I’ve been going over the details for a couple weeks now; I’ve vented to trusted friends and family, I’ve written about it in my personal journal, I’ve excessively poured over every detail of what the hell happened and all I feel is pure blind RAGE. I finally had to leave my abusive relationship and some unexpected things and feelings have come out of it.
Some context before I get into this long crazy ass story:
- His mother had just had all of her top teeth removed due to soft teeth and decay from smoking.
- Hunter’s 30th birthday was that weekend; I had spent a lot of time making him a huge bristol board painted card with hand cut out beers for effect and a hand made envelope made out of wrapping paper. I also bought him a very expensive metal detector (because he’s basically an 80 year old in a 30 year old body) and I was very excited to give them to him.
- I had tried to plan something memorable for his birthday for months (like an all expense paid trip to BC) but because of his work schedule and his negative attitude he shut down every suggestion I could think of, even the ones he told me he would want to do (but because it was my idea in the end it was garbage to him). So the plan ended up being a home made meal at his house with his parents and sister.
- He deliberately parks his truck in the middle of the driveway so I can barely fit my car just to piss me off. When I confront him and ask him for the 10th time why he can’t just pull up a couple of feet his excuses ranged from – “cause I felt like it” to “I didn’t want you to park behind me!” (I’m not allowed to park on the road due to snow removal so where the fuck am I supposed to park after driving 45 minutes out of my way just to come and see you… FUCK YOU!!!!)
March 10th 2017,
I went over to Hunter’s house like I always do every other weekend; he had just come off of his night shift that morning and I knew to wait until a bit later to go over to let him sleep in. When I got there, he again parked his truck inconveniently in the middle of the driveway. I managed to squeeze my car in behind him, huffed about it in the car for a minute, gathered myself and my things and went into his house. He was in a horrible mood and “helped” me with my things by leaving them a foot away instead of helping me bring them up to his room which annoyed me (it’s a small home, you can’t leave shit laying around and in everyone’s way). I put all my bags upstairs and went downstairs to see how his mom was holding up after her dental surgery. She was half way through telling me how the procedure went when Hunter came slumping into the room. Without missing a beat he starts yelling at his mom about how he has already heard the story a thousand times, that she’s disgusting and that no one wants to hear about it. While he’s yelling I told him calmly that I had asked her about it and that I hadn’t heard about it yet so it wasn’t her fault. Then he started yelling again about his mother being the reason that he’s afraid of everything, that she was to blame for a number of his issues and he just kept laying into her (probably trying to make her cry). I interrupted his rant and told him “if this was all so horrible then move out!!! This is HER house and if she wants to talk about her experience, she’s allowed!!” That shut him right up, he looked at me menacingly and let his mother finish her story.
Afterwards, Hunter’s dad came home and started on the mother about what she was making for dinner. She just looked stunned and said “I’m not making anything! I can’t eat solid food and I’m not going to spend an hour making something that smells amazing and not be able to eat it! You guys can figure something out!” The dad wasn’t impressed and stormed off. He came back a half hour later with a pre made pizza from the grocery store and still made her put it in the oven and bake it for us (if I had seen that I would of done it for her!). She set the table, cut up the pizza, served it to us and then left the room; once we finished she came back and cleared the plates and did the dishes and then finally made her dinner smoothie for herself. It was all really awkward and quiet, I just kept waiting for a fight between them all.
Hunter was still aggravated but needed to renew his license sticker and he needed to pick up some beer so after trying to get him motivated to do something he finally decided that we should get those things done.I was parked behind him so as he pulled out of the driveway I pulled in up front to get my spot in the driveway. I got into Hunter’s truck and he starts angrily asking me why I didn’t just park on the road and why I parked in that spot. I told him that it made sense so that we didn’t have to shuffle the cars around later.
We headed out and he started again about how much of a bitch his mom is and how I just don’t understand how annoying she’s been since her surgery. I just looked at him and said, “I would be an even bigger bitch if I had all my teeth removed and no one was helping me with simple things like dinner!” Hunter still kept his position and swiftly changed the subject because I obviously was not going to agree with him. He seemed to lighten up a little bit as time went on and then he decided that while we were out that we should go and visit a couple of his friends since we weren’t doing much anyway. I had no problem with that, and I was glad to be out of the house for a while longer. When we got to his friends house his mood did a one eighty; he was very cheerful and talkative and friendly with everyone. We stayed for a few beers and then went back to his house.
Hunter like always wanted to go and smoke pot in his garage so that’s where we ended up once we were back. His mom visited with us for about an hour and then we chatted for a bit once she left. I started explaining to him that me and my mom might look into getting a house together or living together since he didn’t want to buy a house with me after months of discussing it. Hunter kept telling me that he couldn’t afford it, that he didn’t want my name on the house contract, he’d look for houses without me or my opinion, he wasn’t taking it seriously and looking at homes way too far out of our/his budget. I let him know that it was just something that had crossed my mind, that would get me out of the situation I’m in now and that it would help me feel less dependent on him; and also that it would help lessen the pressure on him to buy a home with me. I thought it would make him feel relieved more than anything and I also thought he would just kind of nod along, it was just an idea nothing set in stone what so ever. After I finished explaining myself, he was silent and didn’t say anything. At that moment my 10pm alarm went off for me to take my pill so I told him I was going in and asked if he was coming in too. He didn’t look up at me, he just stood there and said “…give me a minute”. So I did and I headed inside.
Once I was up in his room, I started unpacking my pajamas and things like that like I always do, I was ready to just go to bed and relax. After about 5 minutes I heard Hunter come in, he raced up the stairs and came in the room. He quickly and harshly slammed his door shut and starts accusing me, “so what, do you want to break up or something!?? WHY are you going to move in with her!?! Obviously you’re not telling me something!!”. He progressively started getting louder and angrier with everything that I said; I told him to calm down, that I wasn’t thinking about breaking up, I was just thinking about my own future and that he needed to talk to me like an adult. I finished with explaining that he was the one who wouldn’t commit to buying a home with me and that he didn’t have the money to do so and that I had some money saved and was contemplating it. He retorts with “as if you have any money!” so I told him the amount that I have saved at the moment and he stared at me for a second and said “well if I knew you had that kind of money then we could of bought something!! I don’t even have that much saved!” (he makes about $11 more an hour than me and gets a crazy amount of overtime, etc. so that makes no sense; good to know that he’s horrible with his money though!!). He was at the top of his lungs at this point so I tried to tell him to be quieter because I knew his parents and sister could hear him (it’s always incredibly embarrassing to argue at his house).
Hunter started screaming at me, he wasn’t even saying words anymore he was just making weird aggressive noises and then started flailing his arms around and hitting his bed like a deranged rabid orangutan. His fists weren’t far from me and I quickly backed up into his closet and started crying. I felt like he was very close to hitting me and I was bracing and expecting him to start throwing things at me. Instead he dashed out of his room and ran downstairs, he started screaming about how I was breaking up with him and that I was starting shit. I called my mom right away and told her that I needed her to come and pick me up as soon as possible (she’s 45 minutes away and it’s about 10:30pm at this point). She let me tell her the events of the night and how Hunter had really scared me with his behaviour. While I was telling her my story, Hunter’s psycho sister Liz was standing in the doorway of Hunter’s bedroom with her arms and legs bracing against the entryway. She started screaming over me about how I ruin everything; and how dare I start shit the week of her mother’s surgery!; and so on (Liz you stupid cunt, why would I want this and start it on purpose, you delusional fucking bitch!!?). I tried to close the door but she wouldn’t let me, I dropped my phone on the bed and tried to slam the door again. Liz forced the door wide open, knocking me over and she lunged at me, harshly grasping the top of my arms and forcing me onto Hunter’s bed. I started flailing, grabbed her arms as well and started shaking her (I was seeing red) to try and get her off of me; and she screams “You’re acting crazy!!” I almost punched her in the fucking face! But my little voice inside me said not to because it would be 4 against 1 so I held back. I finally did a kick push combo to get her to unlatch herself. She fell on her ass and got up and ran to her mom screaming “I think she left bruises!!” I picked up my phone, and my poor mother is frantic and asking if I’m okay, (at this point everyone downstairs is screaming at each other) and Hunter runs up to the room. I start narrating what’s happening to my mom and tell her that Hunter is now there and she tells me to hand him the phone. She doesn’t even get a chance to talk before he’s telling her that “She’s [me] just going crazy!! She just started yelling!” My mom puts him in his place and yells at him “NO! I KNOW YOU STARTED THIS!! DON’T EVER LET LIZ NEAR HER AGAIN!!”
I got my phone back, grabbed all of my bags and things and hurried downstairs. One of my bags caught a plant in the narrow hallway and knocked it over and Liz starts screaming at the top of her lungs, “AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! She’s destroying the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” My plan was to get everything in the car and to meet my mom at Tim Hortons or a parking lot near by just to get out of their house. But of course, Hunter’s truck was now behind my car and I couldn’t leave. My mom is still on the phone at this point and telling me that she’s just getting her stuff together and heading out shortly. Hunter’s dad comes outside and he’s almost smirking, I tell him a few times that I was sorry about the plant and I didn’t mean to knock it over, it was an accident. My mom hears me and asks to speak with the dad, so I handed him the phone. He starts telling my mom that I am highly intoxicated and trying to drive, my mom just says “okay, whatever I’m on my way” and he hands me back my phone. The dad starts getting louder and telling me to give him my keys over and over again (it has my house key on it and I don’t trust them at this point to have my keys; I’m also abso-fucking-lutely NOT highly intoxicated!! Maybe a little buzzed but having 5 beers over 4 hours is NOT going to make anyone “highly intoxicated”). I was really upset with him for trying to make things look like it was all my fault and that I was just drunk and disorderly. I stuck to my guns and kept my keys in my fist and finally he gave in and just told me to come inside and wait for my mom there. It was really cold out so I angrily agreed and I just stood in the front doorway/front room area eagerly waiting for headlights.
Once inside, Hunter sat on the couch directly behind me and then the verbal abuse went from bad to worse. He was screaming at me about ruining his birthday, that I had a bad day at work so I was taking it out on him (my boss couldn’t give me exact change to pay me, so overpaid me $10.00 that will get taken off my next pay day… soo soo horrible right? Definitely a horrible day…Hunter’s a fucking idiot…) Hunter was just grasping at straws, anything to make it seem that I had been malicious in starting this even though he was the one who started it. I asked him to get me my dog’s food from the kitchen since his sister was in there, he just said “get it your fucking self” so I just quietly said to myself that I would just buy her a new bag (I didn’t trust myself not to attack Liz if I saw her fucking face again). When there was a break from Hunter yelling at me, his mom decided to get right in my face and yelled at me to apologize to psycho Liz because “this is her house!” (nice to know your fucked up kids can flat out attack people and then expect apologies – good job on raising these monsters! Oh and maybe mind your own fucking business! Your “kids” are 30 and 27…), I just stayed calm (tried not to laugh in her face) and told her that I absolutely would not be apologizing to her, that she attacked ME and has never apologized to me, and so on like that. She kept screaming at me to apologize and I just kept saying no and that I was leaving soon. After she finished yelling at me because I wasn’t engaging her behaviour then the dad starts screaming “HUNTER! SHES GOT YOUR PHONE!!!” and Hunter gets right in my face and starts yelling “WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE MY PHONE!!!?” I cringed and put my hands up and said, “I only have mine!” so he could see I didn’t have it on me. Hunter ran up to scavenge for his phone and found it in his room where he had left it. Hunter starts yelling at his dad saying why did you think she had it!? He just replied saying that he thought my mom had called me on Hunter’s phone or something stupid like that (& Oh yeah, tell me again who is the highly intoxicated one? YOU!). And then the mom came back in and screaming at me saying “HOW DARE YOU try and corner my son into buying a home with you that he has told you he can’t afford, You’re not allowed to do that!! You can’t do that to people!!, etc.” She made it sound like I was gold digging with him to get a house, when really it was the opposite! Hunter was trying to leech off of MY MONEY to buy a house! He made that very clear earlier! So obviously she had no idea what the initial fight was even about. I just told her that she didn’t know what she was talking about and I just turned my back on her. After that, Hunter gets his face right next to mine and loudly whispers “I’m so excited to see you leave, I never want to see your fucking face again! You’re the fucking problem and this is all YOUR fault” and he starts kind of smirking and looking at me like I’m a disgusting piece of shit non-human who has ruined his life. He goes and roughly hands me my dog’s food and it rattles a glass candle ornament and again Liz starts screaming like if I just set their house on fire. I quietly apologized again but let it go pretty quickly, I was just happy to have all of my stuff. Hunter started yelling again about how horrible I am at communication and that I should have talked to him about the house situation in general. I just started yelling right back and said “HOW? I’m not allowed to talk about my job, my family, my friends, if I have a bad day, politics, or ANYTHING without getting fucking YELLED AT!!! So why the FUUUUCK would I try and bring it up?!?” Hunter didn’t say anything and I heard a little voice from the kitchen say, “Oh well that’s not good, that’s a lot of problems”; his mom had been listening and I guess thought if I apologized to everyone that Hunter and I would work it out up until that point…. They are so delusional it’s really scary.
I finally saw my mom’s car headlights and I didn’t say anything or look at anyone, I just grabbed everything and ran out as fast as I could! I dropped everything on the front lawn and just bawled in my mothers arms. She helped me to put everything in her car, and before we left I decided to show them how much of a thoughtless gold digger I was by leaving the hand made birthday card and metal detector that I had bought and lovingly wrapped for Hunter on their front porch and then we drove away.
March 11th 2017
I had slept horribly the night before, I cried for hours on end and I kept repeating “I can’t believe that just fucking happened!” My mom stayed the night with me to help calm me down. I kept thinking about all the horrible things that had happened, if Liz had keyed my car yet, what the morning was going to be like when I picked up my car.
We got up around 6am and headed out around 7am to get my car. I texted Hunter when we were close that “it would be greatly appreciated if his truck was moved before we got there.” My stomach was in knots because I really didn’t know what to expect. When we got to their house his truck was out of the way and I peeled out of their driveway and never looked back.
I thought that I would be heartbroken and depressed and all of those kinds of emotions that normally go with a break up. Instead, I felt RELIEF!! I could breathe again, no more walking on egg shells, no more getting yelled at, NO MORE ABUSE.
I installed a no contact rule for myself and have kept to it – he has contacted my parents and mutual friends to try and reach me but I haven’t reacted or called him back. None of his messages included an apology, an excuse, a reason, a “wow things got out of control..” NOTHING just “call me back, we can’t leave things like this”. Ummm YES I FUCKING CAN!
A big eye opener for me came a couple days later when a mutual friend of ours reached out. He told me that Hunter had told him parts of the story and that the reason he even left his room in the first place was because Hunter was afraid that he was going to hurt me physically. No wonder I felt so scared and attacked in the moment…
Hunter also altered some facts, again stating that it was a drunken fight and that there were things we weren’t working on that we should have discussed more (trying to seem like an adult in the situation). That he couldn’t confirm who started the fight between me and Liz because he didn’t see it… (she has THREE assault charges against her! but yes it makes sense that I would of started it considering I’ve never had a physical altercation in MY LIFE!). Hunter also made me out to be a pathetic mess and told him to reach out to me because he didn’t think I had any friends to help support me. (um I DID have friends before you forced me to stop seeing everyone!!). This “friend” also told me that he was happy to help Hunter and give him advice because of how heartbroken he is, that he really does love me and that they’ve known each other forever, but because I seemed so okay with the breakup that he didn’t want to discuss it with me anymore. Quite the double standard, fuck you too! (But I was glad to hear some of those new details at least.)
I’m also noticing now that I have attracted a lot of these abusers in my life and that I have never truly been away from one until now! Scary! My first relationship was abusive and full of lies and betrayal on his part, then I had a toxic best friend who just used me and didn’t support me, then after I ended that friendship I started a new one with the “friend” mentioned above who is also a drama seeker (that’s how we bonded, bitching about bad people including the first two I mentioned above ) and then he introduced me to Hunter.
I feel so much better knowing that I can start to heal from all of these negative toxic abusive and mean individuals. I also know that there is a grieving process but all I can feel is pure unaltered rage towards all of these people, I feel like I truly despise and hate them, that they condoned abuse and victim blamed. That they are truly fucked up in the head and that most of them must have some serious mental health issues. I’m enraged that no one stood up for me, that Hunter, the one I trusted didn’t have my back through anything.
I’m mad about the things I wish I had said or done – I WISH I had punched Liz square in the face and gave her a souvenir to remember me by; I wish I had yelled more, said more secrets, told them that I was pressing charges for assault and unlawful confinement, expressed myself more and so on. I do know it wouldn’t of mattered though in the end.
Overcoming the rage will come in time I know, and I am elated that I am away from the abusive behaviour that Hunter and his family exhibited. I’m happy that we didn’t buy a home because I’m sure this post would of been very different. I would probably be writing about why Hunter hit me again and hoping I can find a way out without it leading to more physical abuse or being afraid that he may go even further… Things could have gotten a lot worse if I had stayed or if I had gone back to him.
-I think I just saved my own life