My future life has been on my mind a lot this past week or so, I’m feeling very frustrated and scared about how my home life is going to develop. I’m in this weird situation with Hunter where I’ve become a sideline witness whose just waiting for him to put stuff together for us.
The normal relationship progression in my mind is – dating, proposal, marriage, buy a house, live a little, babies. Something kind of in that order anyway –
Hunter wants to live on his own for a minimum of six months, I’ve known about this for a long time and I accepted it on the terms that he’s never gotten to live on his own so I understood his wanting to be independent for a bit. Hunter also wants to buy his own house, himself with a home that suits his needs. This would obviously be fine if it was a starter home that we lived in and maybe flipped right away and then moved to our forever home after… but Hunter wants this first home to be his forever home.
This scares me so much. Lets say he finds a home that is perfect for his immediate needs, but I hate it and it doesn’t suit me or any of my needs. I feel so left out of this process, I mean shouldn’t I get a say in what might be my forever home too? I’m also very worried that if I end up moving in and everything somewhat works out that he will use the fact that he owns the house as leverage against me. What if I want to paint a room, make some updates to the house; I won’t be able to make any executive decisions about the house without his explicit permission on everything. And the only argument he has to make if he doesn’t like an idea of mine is, well it’s my house! If we have a big fight, will he just tell me to leave and then I’ll be homeless? It is HIS house afterall…
Last night around 10pm, when I was in bed of course, that’s when he decides to tell me he has found himself the perfect home for himself. His needs and wants originally were; house that’s in good condition, forced air, enough room for his Bernese mountain dog (130lbs!), natural gas/propane, wood stove, acreage, barn to store boat/toys, full basement, garage with parking and work area all for under $180,000.00 –
The house that he says is just “perfect” is a floating home off of a canal worth about $230,000 – it comes with next to no property, no out-buildings, no septic or well (just holding tanks), baseboard heaters, it’s just under 1000sqft and there’s obviously no basement. It’s also only framed with vinyl siding; and to heat, there’s only a gas fireplace & electric heaters. To top it off as well, there’s no real yard and it’s a tiny house for a huge dog (let alone any future babies), it might as well be an apartment.
So just doing some quick math and observations: it’s $40,000 more than he can afford, plus; 20% house deposit ($46,000) 4% real estate fee ($9,200 aprx.), land transfer fee ($1000-maybe more with the little property being on the river), small out building he will have to build ($5,000+ permit $500), Insurance (risk ins. $350 + $300/mth), hydro (roughly $400-$800/month ), property tax ($4,000/year), lawyer fees ($1,500), boat storage ($400/year). This obviously also does not include his credit card debt, his student loan debt, his auto/boat/atv insurance, his boat debt, food, his four wheeler debt, vet bills, or spending money.
So on his own, right off the bat, he would need to pay out approx $60,000.00 – so basically he’ll have to get a mortgage plus another line of credit just to cover those costs – and still be able to make monthly payments on everything and survive. So right away he’ll be in about $300-$400,000 in debt with next to nothing to show for it… aweeeesome… Guess it’s a blessing in disguise since my name won’t be attached to anything?
He’s so fucking delusional!!! I pointed out a few of these things last night and he wouldn’t give it up! His mom is an enormous enabler (I love her but she made him this way & that pisses me off so much) – instead of telling him that it’s unrealistic, she had a great time figuring out how she’s going to decorate it…. Like for fuck’s sake, get both of your heads out of each others asses for one second and get a reality check!
So I pointed out to him as well that for $230,000.00 he could most definitely get a home in this area that included everything on his original wants and needs list and probably more! I looked today and saw a house for $210,000 with 16 acres, two barns, a finished nice old house, propane with wood burning fireplace, forced air and so much more. Then he could use the extra mortgage money to pay for the taxes and real estate fees. (If he can even afford that kind of a mortgage alone, I don’t really think he can though realistically). Oh and like I’ve mentioned, I build homes for a living and know all the in’s and out’s of buying, real estate, ,property, upgrades, etc. but sure, why bother asking me for any real life information structural or financial… because hey! It’s boat accessible!! …. not like I would like to have a say in MY future home or anything…Thanks Hunter for not including me in anything! It’s a great feeling you know, being mad, frustrated, scared, unsure, depressed all at the same time about you entire future! So yeah, thanks….
So from what I can foresee; he’s going to bankrupt himself with a home that doesn’t fit any of his needs, so we won’t be getting engaged, married, having children, traveling or just about anything…all because of him. After this mess happens, I will then have to buy my own small tiny home, that he will inevitably move into and use to store all of his shit (if it doesn’t all get repossessed anyway). And by the time that happens I’ll be too old to have children and too broke to do anything I wanted to with my life, because at this point I’ll just want to make sure I have something saved for retirement and old age because no one will be around to take care of me or take me in. I’ll probably just end up dying of a stress related ailment before retirement anyway at this rate.
Why in the hell do I always choose these kinds of guys to be involved with?!?!?
I’m so so so so fucked.