Bad Habits Die Hard for Everyone

So surprise surprise I had a chance to look through Hunters phone this morning and I didn’t even hesitate.

I checked his texts first and nothing looked suspicious, I knew all the names on the list so I didn’t bother looking into it much more than that. After that, I checked his Facebook messenger and I didn’t find anything super significant but definitely a couple things that rubbed me the wrong way.

The first one I found was of a girl I just don’t like, I don’t think there’s anything going on between them but I noticed that the conversation just kind of started from nowhere so I know he’s been deleting messages (red flag).

The second one I found was of another girl I’ve seen him talk to in messages before and of course there’s nothing really in there just him saying that she was looking really good, she just replied saying thanks. I also think he’s been deleting conversations there as well.

The third one I found bothers me the most because I can’t tell if its a serious comment or an inside joke or something. Again it just kind of starts randomly so I know there was more to their conversation but it’s Hunter saying “because you’re my secret lover ;)” There wasn’t any other context there wasn’t anything before this comment and there wasn’t anything in relation to that comment afterwards. Hunter messaged her a few other times with no responses until he says that he’s been trying for a long time to get a hold of her and that he must have her old number or something; and she just responds her number and doesn’t say anything.

I’ve obviously been thinking about this all day and doing my best to find anything of interest to me about them all through Facebook but I haven’t found much.

I’m just frustrated that after all the talks and fights over his online behaviour, he’s still going out of his way to be inappropriate (joke or no joke). I’d be a lot more relaxed about this as well if he had ever actually mentioned the last two girls to me. I have no idea who they are, he’s never discussed them with me and all I know is that they’re old college friends of his (and they are really pretty). It makes me feel weird too about the fact that he states that he’s been trying so hard to get in touch with the last girl, what was he trying to get in touch with her about? If they’re so close or whatever why has she never been brought up?

The main reason I snooped today more than anything was to see the conversation between him and another girl I’m not fond of. She was in the area, down from B.C. for the first time in a couple years and was really pushing to see Hunter.. alone (I was off and at home and wasn’t invited – reason#98649 why I don’t like her). Hunter and I actually had a big fight about it because I didn’t think it was appropriate and I was worried she might try something. At the end of our fight he told me that he wasn’t going to meet with her and we never talked about it again. I wanted to see if he told me the truth or not and how all that went down between them. There was literally no mention of her anywhere.. so again he deleted all their conversations.

I feel like because he knows I have a tendency to look at his phone that he had to up his game a bit and this is the result. He only (mostly) keeps appropriate conversations and deletes all the rest. It makes me feel even more worried now that he’s trying to cover things up and it makes me really uncomfortable. I feel lost in this relationship as well because there’s no way to get the conversations that he deleted, they’re just gone and now I can’t know what he’s really doing and saying behind my back.

With everything up until this point that I have found, I don’t think he deserves my trust at all in the emotional cheating department – I think I’m in the right for having my guard up on this. The only positive thing that I keep telling myself is that at least I only really found two inappropriate conversations considering the first and second times that I snooped he was being inappropriate with so so so many girls, so two doesn’t seem so bad…. except for the little voice in my head reminding me that it’s probably because he deleted the bad ones…

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