Reason #139490 why I have no close friends

It has been a while since I’ve felt the need to get my drama aired online to keep my sanity!!

Lots has happened since November, good, bad, & ugly but it’s all been managed and overcome and things just keep moving forward.

I wanted to write a new rant post because I don’t know how to express it to anyone and it’s bothering me a ton.

About a month and a half ago I had yet another urge to snoop, it was overwhelming and all powerful and I could not talk myself out of it. I hadn’t snooped in a good few months but it was the day after Hunter’s birthday and I’ve always been curious as to who wishes him a happy birthday over messenger. I got into it while he took a shower and I had a good look at the messages. I was a bit surprised by two of the girls who went out of their way to send him their best wishes. The first was a girl who I’ve mentioned before in Blind faith has no place in relationships

She was a supposed child hood friend of his that he deleted off of Facebook because he claimed she was stalking him and to prove to me there was nothing going on. In her birthday message I could tell that she was the initiator in all the little conversations and Hunter would basically just say thanks or something to that effect, which I can live with.

The second message that peaked my interest was from a younger girl that we had both met at a party roughly six months ago. She was incredibly flirtatious with Hunter and Hunter uses her as an example for if he was a cheater, he would have had the opportunity with her but that he obviously didn’t take her up on it. So I think that entitles me to a bit of fear over what the hell she’s doing messaging my boyfriend. The conversation was really innocent but I found it strange that she kept mentioning where she lived and playing to Hunter’s interest of boats and playing dumb about kayaks and which ones to buy (even though she supposedly lives in cottage country where I’m sure every single one of her neighbours probably has a fucking kayak).

Anyway the conversation was stuck deep in my head and all I kept thinking about is why are they even talking? This girl also just so happens to be a local and she is facebook friends with Hunters’ Sister (let’s call her El Cunto… or I guess Liz[ard] ). I thought I’d just casually bring it up with her and see what she has to say about this girls integrity. I had confided in Liz in the past about snooping and other issues and I trusted her to give me some good insights about Hunter and this other girl.

I told Liz exactly what I did, that I had gone through his phone again and that I found the conversation between Hunter and the other girl and what her thoughts were on the situation. She told me that the other girl and her actually had bad blood because a few years ago the other girl stole Liz’s then boyfriend. Liz told me how persistent she was, that I should be a bit worried and that it wouldn’t surprise her if she was sending Hunter nudes and things like that. The conversation ended up making me feel a lot worse and a lot more insecure, I didn’t really know what to think because there wasn’t any proof of any wrong doing on Hunter’s end of things but I definitely didn’t want to be emotionally cheated on again because I stayed quiet about what was going through my mind.

Later that week I manipulated a conversation to bring up the girl in question so that I could figure out where his head was. He brought up that they had talked and that she was asking him about kayaks. I got a bit defensive about it and asked why she would even reach out to him, and his response was that he’s a boat person so why wouldn’t she of asked him. Later that day, I straight up asked him if she had ever crossed the line and flirted with him in her messages. I wasn’t trying to make him feel attacked, I was just worried that Hunter was maybe keeping some information from me to protect my feelings. He ended up losing his cool and got very upset at me for bringing it up and that I should trust him already. We had an all day fight about it but eventually we talked everything out and things were good.. Little did I know what a little Lizard had hissed in his ear later that night.

Hunter came over to my house on a Friday which is unusual; he wanted to go into town to look at cameras and some other toys and I was happy to help him look for some good ones. As soon as I started driving, he was so negative and was lobbing me some low blows when there was an opportunity to bring me down. He was very impatient with me, very rude, couldn’t make a decision himself for anything, and he was just miserable to be around. When we got back to my house I told him that I had enough of him, I only wanted to help and I didn’t do anything wrong. Lo-and-behold he opened up like a broken dam and told me what was bothering him. Apparently Liz was waiting for him by the door to get home the night after our fight, Hunter would of just been feeling better and she told him everything. She told him word for word what I told her in confidence with some fun new details to make the storm that much harsher on me.

Hunter was understandably very upset by all of that information and I had to do a lot of quick thinking on my feet. I wasn’t sure how I could convince him I hadn’t gone through his phone and that I had just noticed the girl liking a lot of posts on his Facebook wall. My salvation came when he started accusing me of logging into his Facebook account from other computers or phones. I straight up told him that it could not of been me because in the past I have only ever gone through his phone, that I don’t know his passwords and that if it was me… he would have 1000 notifications not just 5 or so (which is the honest truth). So he asked me if you’re not the one snooping on other devices who is? and little Lizard came to mind, it makes a lot of sense that she would also go through his things because she told me she fucking has before!!!

Hunter and I worked through this argument that night and we have been pretty solid since then, just one other fight over time management and communication but we worked through that as well.

I go to Hunter’s family home every other weekend were Liz also currently lives. I have successfully ignored her for two of these weekends; giving her the silent treatment and pretending she’s invisible. She knows she fucked up because she’s doing the exact same right back to me and hides in her room as much as she can when I come over. And guess what lizzy the Lizard! I’m not fucking going anywhere anytime soon!!!! So I hope you get used to the smirk on my face every time you even dare to look at me.

I’m upset with her for so many reasons but the thing that hurts the most is that I actually thought we were becoming close friends. I wanted to be close friends with her because I know she’s going to be in my life for a while and I wanted to be on great terms with her. I have so much I want to say to her but I can’t; I still have to be in her presence from time to time and her mother puts her above all else (including Hunter). Their mother likes me a lot and I don’t want to be on her bad side that’s for sure.

I want to tell Lizard lips that she lost a really great person and that we could of been good friends and that she ruined all that. I want to tell her that I think she’s psychotic and an idiot. I want to tell her that she’s an asshole for literally trying to break me and Hunter up. I want to tell her that if she was going to speak against me she should have told me to just not talk to her about important things anymore. I want to tell her that if she doesn’t, didn’t or never liked me that she should have made that clear. I want to tell her that she is extremely malicious and hurtful to everyone, not just me.

She was dating a guy who lived about 6 hours away, she was having a rough day and asked him to drive down that night to comfort her. As soon as he got there, without anyone in the house knowing, she went outside and told him he was being too loud with his baggage and told him he wasn’t welcome to come in and stay. He then left and found a crappy Bates-like-motel to stay in. That’s what kind of person she is. Just an awful human being.  I have to roll my eyes every time I see her post motivational quotes about the world not being fair to her and about being a good person and pushing through, and blah blah blah. It’s so fake and infuriating to me that she makes herself out to be a victim when she’s a coward, a liar, a manipulator, a user; an inconsiderate, disrespectful and disloyal person, etc. I feel for all the men and friends that she’s had in her life; I even feel sorry for her immediate family who have to deal with her every day.

I once got up to use the bathroom before I got ready for work at Hunters’ House. I wasn’t in there for more than 30 seconds before she started screaming from her room that I was still in the bathroom and that she needed to get ready. I hurried up and got out, and told her that all she needs to do is let me know and talk to me and I’ll get out of her way, no need to scream. She then took an hour long shower, another hour to do her hair and make-up and then another two hours to sit on her ass before leaving for work… she’s always late I might add, and thank god I had my morning pee otherwise I would of had a long wait!

I told her a long time ago that if Hunter and I ever got married that she would be my maid of honour because I don’t have any close friends. She was so happy to hear that and told me how she never thought anyone would have her in their wedding party. I’m now considering having a modern wedding with no bridesmaids or groomsmen and dis inviting her to the wedding all together (or at the very least to keep up appearances, have it on a day I know she will be busy).

The other saddest part about all of this is that I was excited to have someone other than my mom to talk to and I feel really alone again. I just feel like everyone is so hell bent on creating chaos for those just seeking a little help and guidance that there’s no point in trying to make real connections with anyone.



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